Long before I noticed you, you selected me,
and there you set in motion a star-crossed destiny.

I miss so much the playful rhythm of our countless conversations,
and the spark I felt each time we’d jinx a phrase, sans hesitations.

I miss the sweetness of your voice, once ever-present in my mind,
and now the recollection of that reassuring rapture I cannot find.

* I see you; still, I see you:

I see you sitting on the outskirts of my thoughts throughout the night,
and your expression is unwavering: please give up this fight.

Solitary moments bring me so much fear,
as I know if I thought long enough, I would bring you near.

Wrapping your everything around me as my gestalt,
and rebuilding us piece by piece with not one fault.

I realize, in peril, I could wish you back into my arms,
for I secretaried all your nuances, your soul, your charms.

What joy to spiral down and acquiesce to my obsession,
and spin my life around a faux-world of a secret, strange transgression.

Our dialogue would resume with near perfection,
and would cultivate within me that lost affection.

Boxed-up artifacts and memories would produce intoxication,
but once unleashed would in time transmute to devastation.

My neurons and synapses were shaped by every expression of your love,
and it’s now impossible to undo a decade’s etchings and rise above.

* Even as the months have s-kate-d by so quickly,
I now realize that during our first innocent adventure together,
Emily was prophesying to me:

“I love you all, everything –I can’t look at everything hard enough.”

In her death, she became aware… and now so am I.