I’ve missed looking up at the sky,

It feels so refreshing

I feel the sunshine on my skin

This is a blessing

For I feel my skin getting warm

Oh how I’ve missed the charm

Of the beautiful sun

It makes me forget for a moment

That I’m still on the run

Running from myself

From the truth as well

That there’s something wrong with me

No I’m alright, I refuse to see

The troublesome truth, the painful fact

That I’m constantly putting on an act



Yet I smile, yet I beam

From ear to ear, this must be a dream

Barely recognize this feeling,

Is this what happiness is?

Or is it a facade

Hiding the fact that my mind’s still flawed

That must be it, no way that it’s gone

It’s been with me for so long

From dusk until dawn

I’ll just keep looking at the sky

Stare right through the atmosphere

Oh how I wish I could fly

What I’d give to be free

I’d ****- no that’s extreme, don’t you agree?

I just don’t want to hurt, want no-one to suffer
But it’s getting increasingly harder to recover

All by myself, I probably need therapy

To battle the single strongest enemy

I’ve ever had, I’ve ever encountered

That’s why I’m running
I know, I’m such a coward


I take a breath of fresh air,

The wind blows through my hair

I feel alive, a new part of the path

I’ve reached the top

And for a moment I stop

Stunned by the beauty as I turn my frame

My body is healed, I remember my own name

It all seems perfect, my mind it bright

Dare I say it? I’ve won the fight



As I speak those words my brain wakes

From my increasingly short slumber

How my head now aches

Again, and again and indeed- once more

I’ll lay down again, lay down on the floor

Everything became the same again

I feel so much shame, 
I forgot my name

There’s a faulty wire in my mainframe

This has never been a fair game



I’ve lost my atmosphere

Now my fear is one again crystal clear

It’s been a mere year but it drains

Tear after tear from my eyes

My mask is failing me, my disguise

It’s showing cracks and fractures

My thoughts, they’re all backwards

Thought I was on top, really at the bottom

Figured it was springtime, no- already autumn

Everything is falling, even dying

I’m back on my knees

Looking down, still crying

The sky turns black

It starts pouring rain

Another drawback

Please get rid of this burning pain

Drain this rain from my brain

Help me get rid of this,

For I can’t keep laying here at the start

Down in this abyss



My neck is stuck in place,

Can’t see a trace of outer space

I’m only allowed to view my feet,

And below that, the cold street

The drizzle trickles down

No, still not enough for me to drown

I miss that yellow glowing star

It’s been gone for so long

It feels so bizarre

Only cold, darkness without shadows

How do I hold on?

Only He knows

For I wish to give in

I know, yeah it’s a sin

But between a great nothing or eternal darkness

I’d choose the former, I’m already lifeless



I carefully smile as I look up in a dream,

Not wanting to shout, not wanting to scream

I’m at peace, just for a moment

Please never wake me,

For I’m really broken