I am not the problem.
My whole life was... IS a mess.
Continuously molested at 2-4 years old.
Taking care of her kids whom had become mine.
Making sure my mommy is not dead but passed out.
Babysat by my mom's multiple 'boyfriends'.
Taken to a new home full of yelling laughing older boys.
But I kept going!

At 5 I am welcomed into a great home where I finally open up to my grandma.
Spend a lot of time at their house and make cookies with my brothers and sisters.
Then I'm 8, getting older and finally growing into my ears.
But then my grandma has a brain tumor.
My world once again has come face to face with sadness.
But I keep going!

Then we decided to move to this big ole house out in the country.
I got my own cat and named him Garfield and I had so many friends.
And so did my parents..
Even my dad had a girl best friend, who had a husband
Who grabbed in between my legs when I was going to show him the house.
But you'll never going to guess what I am going to say.. I kept going.

Then at 15 I figured I wanted to know about my birth parents.
I sure did miss my dad, the only one who truly cared.
My adoptive parents were supportive but told me he wasn't my real father, he was the twins.
Torn.
My heart was torn.
Then they did even worse.
I was shown his obituary.
I struggled hard, but I kept going.

Still at 15 I started cutting,
I couldn't stop one night and there was blood everywhere.
I just didn't want to feel the pain.
But I knew it was wrong.
I got my mom, she took the razors.
I was put on meds.
I. Kept. Going.

At 16 I made close friends with a kid named Calen.
He was opinionated and strong headed.
He wasn't attractive but to me his thoughts were GOD.
He had never been kissed.
Last thing on his bucket list.
I checked it off, and he checked his life.
He killed himself two days after telling me not to forget him.

Still 16 I tried to **** myself.
I overdosed on over 400 pills.
I didn't even know what they were.
I didn't care what they were.
Because they were my way out.
He was my fault.
I ticked his last box, it was all my fault.
I tried to make it better but my little brother found me puking and my dad saw my ***** was right.
I was hospitalized and my meds were upped.
But I ******* kept going.

4 months later and I have downed my meds .
I am enlisting in the Navy.
The most important thing to realize in your life is, tragedies are not your fault.
They are the key.
Don't you realize other people have it worse?
I know it sounds harsh, but really if they can make it, I can make it.
You.
Yes you, can ******* make it.
Keep going.