I took a handful of vitamins
After writing a caption about vitamins.

I hear words and poems
Racing around
In my head
But only so much
Write them down.

Its coffee time
I think of all there is to do
I think of all I've done.
I think of all there is to do.

It all came and went so quickly
Grief lingers
Like the little hum of a train
Can't quite ignore it
I awake early
I think of you in moments
And x out the days
I finally released you.

I suppose its true
I think to myself
And say outloud
As I sweep up fallen coffee grounds
You did ask me
For another chance
And everything in me
Kept me turning the opposite way.

The wall was so colorful
As my Austrian love and I kissed goodbye
I turn my back to look all the time
Because its a cinematic moment
I remember.

I expressed to you
How I often would walk around
And feel within myself
"Roll Credits"
"The credits roll"
Something like that
I remember the look in your eyes
As I expressed that.

It wasn't until
It was all said and done
That I realized it was the opposite
It is not the closing credits
It's the openning
The beginning
The intro.

I wonder how you are
I thank myself in moments
For not being with you anymore
In the house I tried to make my own too
I reference you
Like one would
A lost loved one.

My dog died
Did you hear?
Did you hear?
Did you
Hear.

I wonder what you hear
I know you see me everywhere.
And you and I know
It will continue to be that way.

Did you watch the Golden Globes?
I imagine you shutting your eyes
Unable to understand
Why I had to lock you up in a box
And throw you deep into a sea
I don't know the name of.

I'm about to go to Palm Beach
The memories of me getting sick on Kava
Drinking espresso
And trying to give you everything I had
It all whispers to me
Underneath the seats
Of my invisible audience.

"Your art is your strength. Thank you for letting me be your audience"

You wrote
On a post it
One of the last times
I let you into my bed
I remember how you stared at me that night
And how it annoyed me
Soaking up and eating your mind
As if I was some fairytale
Some fairytale
You couldn't quite master


Or keep.