i burn myself down in order to maintain the single bit of control i have
for in a world with unpredictable factors, what am i to do besides destroy?
creation leads only to death
to keep my sanity i tear it to shreds
to keep my feelings i torture my thoughts
to keep my love i separate myself from it
to keep my heart i throw it away
i surround myself in barbed wire and run while it pierces through the skin
it tears through the flesh, but pain is a form of pleasure to the human brain

as my ribs intertwine with sickly sweet flowers, my frail form gives into wracking coughs
as my body is overtaken with the wills of the world, i smile with crimson-stained teeth
as i stare out at those i love, i clutch at the bars keeping me from them
my own consciousness cages me in within my head

unwanted and useless
unwanted because i'm an abomination
useless because i've already been used
a stepping stool for life's favored players

after my prince left,
my story became backwards
riches to rags is the way my mind went
and the final kiss forced me into a never-ending dream

to keep myself from spilling more blood into the clean white of the bathroom
i sit here instead
and tap out my sorrows into a glowing box
in hopes of relieving my teenage angst in a way that will contain the pain in my chest
and for it to not spread to my arms or my neck or my legs or my stomach

i am starved for happiness
and deprived of care
i am dreaming this life

2am thoughts.