Jan 2018
Dear Peter,
But you are a peaceful person
while I have never been-
my extreme tendencies, while they have given me strength and courage to be what I am,
are also the cause of my unpleasantness, my peremptoriness and my rudeness--also crudeness and sometimes, insensitivity.
I don't enjoy it but just as a dog has a tail, I am stuck to what's in me and what I am.
Cutting the tail off? You might as well **** the dog!
Cut half of it? The animal would never be the same again-
it has lost its pride, dignity and disparate self! Its existence would have no meaning, it would count no more but would rather perish.
I don't compromise or, even if I do, it's a reserved and partly insincere compromise-
in short, not only do I have more faults than others
but, more importantly, they are enormous in size and proportion
and are damaging sometimes.
Yet strangely, there are some who like my accompany
but perhaps more who would keep their distance.
I don't blame the latter--they are right in their judgement and perception.
You might ask: are you happy being ruled by extremities?
My answer: I can't help it and I can't say I'm unhappy on account of this--my ugly blemish.
However you might interpret, it's that you had seen me as a young man of 20 in 1960?
and have the chance now to compare that person with a very old man who is turning 78 this year.
My last word: I don't hate myself for my faults--whatever good that I have done, it's up to my family
to decide. But I know they would be biased.
These are my last 5, 7, 8 and at most, perhaps 10 years--I would waste no time
to do what I must, free and unencumbered, letting the world and people go by in their own way--which means so little to me
(as I have to think of my self-interest first) and then fade away, hopefully without pain and with calm acceptance,
into the night to which I would return no more. 'Someday it would be good to die…', from a poem of Christina Rossetti whose poetry
has inspired several of mine.
Be of good cheer--you have a wonderful family and are already blessed.
Your unpopular friend
M.S
dated 1st January 2018
But you are a peaceful person
while I have never been-
my extreme tendencies, while they have given me strength and courage to be what I am,
are also the cause of my unpleasantness, my peremptoriness and my rudeness--also crudeness and sometimes, insensitivity.
I don't enjoy it but just as a dog has a tail, I am stuck to what's in me and what I am.
Cutting the tail off? You might as well **** the dog!
Cut half of it? The animal would never be the same again-
it has lost its pride, dignity and disparate self! Its existence would have no meaning, it would count no more but would rather perish.
I don't compromise or, even if I do, it's a reserved and partly insincere compromise-
in short, not only do I have more faults than others
but, more importantly, they are enormous in size and proportion
and are damaging sometimes.
Yet strangely, there are some who like my accompany
but perhaps more who would keep their distance.
I don't blame the latter--they are right in their judgement and perception.
You might ask: are you happy being ruled by extremities?
My answer: I can't help it and I can't say I'm unhappy on account of this--my ugly blemish.
However you might interpret, it's that you had seen me as a young man of 20 in 1960?
and have the chance now to compare that person with a very old man who is turning 78 this year.
My last word: I don't hate myself for my faults--whatever good that I have done, it's up to my family
to decide. But I know they would be biased.
These are my last 5, 7, 8 and at most, perhaps 10 years--I would waste no time
to do what I must, free and unencumbered, letting the world and people go by in their own way--which means so little to me
(as I have to think of my self-interest first) and then fade away, hopefully without pain and with calm acceptance,
into the night to which I would return no more. 'Someday it would be good to die…', from a poem of Christina Rossetti whose poetry
has inspired several of mine.
Be of good cheer--you have a wonderful family and are already blessed.
Your unpopular friend
M.S
dated 1st January 2018
