this always happens

the same vicious cycle

over and over

im stuck at work; working to be better

i always think everything would be alright

since, i thought, we always talked every night

then it happens, they ask you out

they ask you if you're free to be up and about

you tell them yes, lets meet

word for word

without missing a beat

as i sit here at work waiting for your text to bring me peace

i see them with you on social media

a fire raises

my blood boils

my tongue to be a knife

sharp, deadly, lethal, unforgiving

i get ready to burn everything to the ground

to cut everything into pieces

i hate them with the very same passion as i love you

and i love you with every cell in my being

"you should have picked me," i thought

i would have been there soon

then suddenly i realize

that i didn't want to hurt you

you are my love, my heart

i could not bear to see you hurt

so i take it all back

the flames, doused

the knife, put away

i want you to be happy

if i behave then you could be

then maybe, in the end

once you have seen what i have done

my effort would be recognized

then maybe you would choose for me to be with you

just me

not them