Awaken from my sleep
With a clitter and a clatter
I sprang from bed and stubbed my toe
Wondering what in the world was the matter
  Racing down stairs I heard a little grunting and groaning
Coming from the fireplace
On the eve of Christmas morning

So up I looked and there he was alive and kicking
Certainly not dead
A white beard covered with dark **** and a woolly suit bright red

I said Hey ole man whats shaking  
You look like your sorta stuck
He replied kinda of angrily turning crimson in the face
Why no I am having lunch

Well said me you are a little fat to be sliding down a chimney
I forgot about my stocking hanging on the mantel
And after that silly remark
I could count on it being empty

So off to the kitchen in a hurry I went
Him mad and about to boil
To fetch what I needed to get the plump fool out
Some good ole crisco oil

Well I lathered him up really well
And began to pull quite hard
  In a minute or two out he popped
Still mad and breathing hard

He was sure glad to get unstuck
And asked me what I wanted for getting him out
You may not believe it but I still write a list
So I knew what his request was about

He asked me very solemnly
If throughout the year I had been good
I hemmed and hawed and weakly replied
Santa don't you think I am a little old

Give me that list he repeated
Bright cheeks all a flush
So I did what I was told without anymore argument
Him being in such a rush
He caught his breath and pulled up his red pants
Walked out the door without even a glance

The next morning I woke up laughing
What a funny strange dream
It must have been that pizza I had for dinner
Because what I had seen could never be

But upon examination
I noticed I was covered with soot and black soil
  So I looked under my tree  
And among the shiny wrapped presents
Was a brand new can of crisco oil

All Rights Reserved @ Tammy M. Darby Dec. 11, 2017.