Dec 2017
it started with a simple gesture
I ran my hands through my hair
felt its texture
i was fine
I started to get nervous
running hands through hair is a normal thing, right?
but then I watched as my hands transformed into claws
digging into my scalp
the nails digging deeper and deeper
i felt all of my feelings, thoughts, secrets pouring out of me like blood
as the claws caught hold of my hair
pulling everything inside of me
out
i couldn't breathe
but just as quickly everything returns to normal
examining my hands again to make sure i'm not the monster i once was
feeling my scalp to check if i'm bleeding
noticing all the quizzical stares and pitying eyes
can they see? the real me?
I ran my hands through my hair
felt its texture
i was fine
I started to get nervous
running hands through hair is a normal thing, right?
but then I watched as my hands transformed into claws
digging into my scalp
the nails digging deeper and deeper
i felt all of my feelings, thoughts, secrets pouring out of me like blood
as the claws caught hold of my hair
pulling everything inside of me
out
i couldn't breathe
but just as quickly everything returns to normal
examining my hands again to make sure i'm not the monster i once was
feeling my scalp to check if i'm bleeding
noticing all the quizzical stares and pitying eyes
can they see? the real me?
I feel like this happens to everyone at least once in their lives... I just wish this wouldn't happen to me every day. It makes living so much harder having to wonder whether monsters are real or not and, if they are, whether we are all monsters or only the select few of us who know. Or whether the fear of ourselves creates the monster. BUT those are thoughts for a different day
