It starts off perfect
August is nice and it's warmer than it should be
The football games start and you can see
My bra through the holes in my shirt
And i’m wearing my heart on my belt buckle
Because it's  easier to take off than my shirt sleeves
Perfect
September and everyone's fighting
It feels like the friends i've had the longest
Are becoming strangers
I'm a stranger to myself
But this is before everything gets bad
October I just feel fake
By halloween i'm so much in my head you’d
Think I had something to say, funny
I fell in love with an idea- Several actually.
My forearms are covered in blood and i'm crying
But I can't tell anyone the real reason because i don't even know if I know.
November.
This one’s the bad month.
It always is because it gets worse before it goes back to sleep
10. Everyone's leaving me.
I don't know who I am
I’m in denial but I don't know what about
I hate myself for all of the qualities that I lack and possess
December is when those voices start counting the days until doctors appointments
Not christmas
And judge the weather wondering how long I have to get better.
This is when it almost seems okay
But something throws me off
Those same voices start telling me i'm not worth it
And they're echoing throughout the empty space where my personality
Should be but it's gone into hibernation until next year so I can
Mess it up all over again
And in the coming months i'm just going to replay
My old favorite songs over and over again until the neighbors bang on the walls
From both sides because i'm trying to understand why i’m alive again
And it's around then I start thinking about the dreams I can't remember.