Dear four year old self,

You were just a kid. You were never a lost cause. It wasn’t your job to protect yourself from unkind people. That was your parent’s job, and they did a **** poor job of it. Nobody expected you to take care of yourself when you were left alone for nights on end. You were right in hiding from raised voices and unkind hands. Shame on those who saw what was happening and didn’t step in to lend a helping hand. It is not your fault. It was never your fault.

I encourage you to not dwell on the physical, mental or emotional trauma and scars left in the wakes of your childhood. While it may seem easier and quicker to convince yourself that it was all a bad dream, I promise you that thinking like that will only slow down the healing process. In order to heal, move on and forgive yourself, you have to acknowledge that what happened was real and then you have to let it go.

You will have setbacks. You will fall down and bruise yourself while getting up, but I promise you that you’ll be okay. You will get stronger every day. You will get depressed and you’ll make the several attempts to end your life. You will get your heart broken and you will heal from that. You will find that marijuana does not hold the answers to the questions you’ve been so desperately craving.

love,
S