I stared down the bottles,
Clear and filled with
Neon pink,
My old friends gathered
In neat rows of packed and sealed medication

I almost gave in,
Deep breaths,
Butterflies that once were
From boys were now
From what helps cope
With the burden of never being enough

My hands twitched and
My eyelid fluttered
It would be easy to go back,
To feel that again
And I want to

I want to feel numb from them
And laying beside someone
I want to laugh from the high
And kiss the pain away

But I have another way,
More functioning this time
I drown them away now
So I don't remember the dreams
Of kissing them
Or touching their faces
Or connecting with them

If you have never been addicted
To something to take the pain away
Have you ever truly lived?
Have you ever truly loved?