When push came to shove, when my hands met you with such force, urging you out of my life
You refused. Your arms wrapped around me tightly, like a barricade, like a shelter from the storm. Pinning me there and holding me close.
“you can push as hard as you want but I’m not leaving. I care”
The anger fueled inside me, lingering hurt that was not yours to heal. “I hate you.”
“You don’t mean that.” I didn’t.
“I hate you.” I repeat.
You sigh. “I love you.”
Time works wonders and soon enough I couldn’t survive on anything but your touch,  needed your arms around me if only to get through the day.
“I love you.” My voice cracked. Knowing things had changed.

You were silent.
You were silent all day.
“Please tell me.” I begged.
“I’m leaving.” My heart shattered.
But you healed me. Aside from this even the anger was gone. Tears welled in my eyes yet somehow I found it in my soul to smile.
“I’m so happy for you. ”
You smiled,  too.
“I know you’re worried. I’ll never forget you.”
Somehow you did.
Time changes everything. So much noise turns to silence and at times I can’t take it. Its not the same calm I once felt from merely being by your side.
I’ve put you on a pedestal that I can no longer reach, separated by miles,  communicated by one way messages.

when I said i’d write about you for the rest of my life
I wasn’t wrong
here I am
writing about how I don’t love you anymore.
But you have left a mark on me that will never be erased.

This is an ode to you,
the greatest soul I've ever known
and my biggest heartbreak.