I have a family
Extended members don't know
But then again
Neither do my parents

If they knew would they cry
Could I watch the tears streak down their cheeks as my practiced story is retold and
Sinks in

Would they tell friends,
Turn a blind eye to the misconceptions of my disease
Maybe protect me when my back is turned
Or would they weep
Crocodile tears
Then love again
Love again as they were before
But with new information

Do you think if I shouted my demons across the seven seas
Would pirates look at me in awe of my strength
In awe of my brittle bones that have stood strong without help
Would they look at themselves and remember the battles they've had with
Themselves
And believe in me when I don't

If I told my parents
Finally
As my therapist tells me to
Would they hold me
Even when I hate being touched
The way skin holds skin
How fat of mine is transferred with fat of yours
How I have always hated it
But it doesn't matter when affection comes before personal beliefs

It disgusts me
My body
I hope you know that
I hope you realise why I can't be touched
By family
Because you broke me bulimia

And cracks aren't healed with hugs.