They say that divorced parents are fun! Everyone wanted their parents to split at some point.
I'm not going to lie -- I never had the opportunity to even think about that.
My parents were so in love they hadn't noticed their love ruined everything.
Love disappears. It's as light as a feather. You can admire it and caress its soft and fluffy hairs. But when you pull to hard, it falls off.
When I was 2, my father hit my mom for the first time.
I don't remember what happened.
I only recall the sounds because they haunt me in my sleep up until now.
Divorced parents are fun! Are they, though? "You get everything you want times two!" my friends used to say.
But, do you know what I am not getting?
A normal house.
I felt abandoned for my whole childhood.
I didn't know what I had done wrong. Was it my fault they split up? Maybe they filed for divorce because they never wanted me to happen. I'm sure it is my fault.
What's even worse?
You constantly feel forced to choose a parent you like most, a house you want to spend a Saturday at.
My soul was torn into pieces when I had to spend Christmas and my birthday with my mom only. Father was not allowed.
I lacked a man figure in my life. How am I supposed to build a relationship when I don't trust men. I feel attacked whenever somebody tries to be close to me, intimate in some way.
Lacking a real home turns into a perpetual feeling of not belonging to anybody.
You wished you had a baby brother for Christmas, but instead got a broken family and silent cries of your mother at night.
So no, divorced parents are definitely not fun.