He said he would no longer toy with her
But there could be no promise
Take the chance or not
She loved him enough to say yes to life together
But he only wanted her pride in him
There was never a woman who thought him perfect
An imperfect house, every wall crooked
A leaky roof, the carpet stained
on and on and on
Yet what did they see when they walked by?
Why did they knock on the door?
Did they know what was on the inside?
They would tell him once, then paint the walls
It was smile, his courtesy, they could see
how he felt about them
Yet,
fearful of his own passion
He assumed too much
Their fidelity, their chasteness
Could this woman want a crude man
Throwing her on the floor, violently mating
No, how could that be?
Instead,
it became a canvas to paint delicately
But he could not decide which color
Or how many
Should he lay the canvas on the floor
And pour the paint upon it’s expectation?
Her impatience became like a bird
upon the updraft of its calling
She flew away to the island mountains
The rivers had risen
It’s feet shuffling to a liquid dance
Subsuming the rocks and valleys
But it was no matter to her
She could fly
He wondered if she would come back
She deserved everything
She could fly
She deserved his promise
And her criticism
He had to be able to take it
He was just a man
But he was a man
He had to take it
And she was there for him to love her
That was what he thought anyway
Did he ever really know a woman?
Each one a fantasy
But he could not lift them up that far
Only in his mind
He wondered
So many children
So many unhappy women
They would give life
Then they would suffer through it
He never understood
Screaming at him
But staying night after night
Was that love?
Was that a woman?
It was as if her life was a miscarriage
It was so close
It was alive
It was happiness
And then she thought
I should have been there for you
For you
My baby
My life
And he thought about this
He regretted thinking of her as an angel
It was too much for her
She just wanted loyalty
He watered her garden
He dusted her pictures
There was so much to lose
He couldn’t ignore it again
He was a skeleton
He wanted his skin back
He wanted his organs
He wanted his life back
To breathe
To eat
To feel the inside of a woman
Through her eyes
So he waited for her answer
He knew what it would be
Loyalty does not compromise
She was a woman
It was not a game