See the young one's shining face
Freshly joined the human race
Chubby cheeks and wrinkled ***
Flailing arms and little tum

A life of learning lays ahead
But rest for now your weeny head
What this miracle will be, who knows
With his tiny hands and feet and snotty nose

Stop your mewling now be calm
You're coming to no harm
I'll hold you for a little while
Although your shrieks do cause alarm

Why choose now, oh little one
To exercise those fearsome lungs
And then projectile squirt
Green ***** on my nice clean shirt

I'll hand you back, you look much better
In your mother's arms
I feel I am immune alas
To your supposed charms

Quiet now, would I hold?
If you don't mind I will refrain
If I may be so bold

Left with an odour, a downright smell
I must confess
I don't do babies very well

What relief, they've gone away
Give me a dog any day