in my dreams i spit blood & gum. it always seems to fall forever, which is weird because i'm standing on solid ground. / in my dreams there's so many babies, the tiny forgotten ones & the ones i birthed & the ones that died inside me. / i don't know what it means, just like i don't know what it means when she doesn't eat all day / just like when he sits behind me or when i wish i was / zaina. / do the ambulances haunt your neighborhood? is it like a wool wool wool blanket the way / the sirens keep going for hours? / she tells me she wants fries, or that she doesn't like her dad, and i'm there but i don't know what to say. it's not like last year, last year when i was made of metal & we were all / figments. it's better now because i never wanted to be dust. i think i just wanted to / **** my fingers & sit in the back of class / i wanted my heartbeat to sit down, to relax / babe, take a load off