when i say i'm alone, i mean i'm alone. not in the way you can be alone when no one is around you, but the kind of alone you are when the room is filled with people while not one of them knows how you feel or what's going on in your life. i am the kind of alone when you drive home from a long day of school and you know that no one is gonna ask how your day was. the kind of alone you feel on a birthday, when everyone seems so happy but you just can't feel the whole birthday spirit.

i am not the kind of alone you are when there is no presence of another person, i feel the most alone around people. i am alone in the way i feel, alone in the way i understand life, alone in school, alone at home, i am always alone. and there is no one who can make me feel any less alone, no matter how hard you try. so i crawl to the background, i turn to music, turn to my writing and try to become okay with the constant lonelyness and i realise it's not such a shame to alone.

but sometimes it just feels

so alone.