Its the peak of the night
Into morning again
All is quiet once more
My phone has at last
Stopped humming and buzzing
The updates have ceased for a moment
I could hear the crickets
Cooing outside
My fan blowing
Along the ridges
Of my new little old
Chicago
Apartment.

I meant to do so much today.

I pass along the dusty ground
And I think back on making fresh coffee
Waking up with such purpose
Putting on my hat.

Once I open up
I could talk endlessly
Its very hard to stop
Because even though I'm not aware
Of the mask I wear
(A movement teacher of mine told me that as a Freshmen in college)
Still.

I should go to bed
I have so much to do
I need to be making money
I need to be putting myself back out there
And sometimes in painful moments
I remember what it felt like
When I had money
A boyfriend

Both things
I lack and have lost
To a point of such uncertainty
And its so hard to have it all at once.