There is this line enveloping my insides
And I'm not sure why
She blows her whistle
In the most vulnerable of times
Like as I set down my luggage
Screen a film surrounded by an audience
Run errands prior
To show time
And it is like the hum of a drum
An eloquent ever lonely song.

Perhaps its because I once had it
Perhaps its just a vulnerable time
But I have fallen asleep
In my new home
Imagining and longing
Hearing "where are you?"
And wished I could have
Screamed it into the Canyon.

Its a reminder
That I could always just settle
Or continue this fight for myself
My career
My life
And believe you will show up in time.

And it doesn't feel fair
99 percent of the time
Though everyone surmised
I was the exception, one of the lucky ones
With my long list of serious relationships
Where I fled in the end
Or got treated like I have a knack
For letting the wrong men
Convince me to give them a chance.

So I am, its true
I'm very alone now
The most I've ever been
And its like that whistle is blown
In the most vulnerable of moments
To say
You sit alone
You walk into an empty apartment
You coordinate and lead
Because this is just how it has to be
Now.