I ran behind the trees
During our first vacation
In my swan sweatshirt
After lighting sage
My hair in bright colors
Remember how I ran
Away from you
Your dog
The picnic blanket

I ran into the darkness
Like I might never come back
And fought tooth and nail
Cried against the green monsters
Lined with smoke and ****** grins
I looked into their faces
And ripped my hem.

I returned eventually
As you waited patiently
We were never on the same page.

I waltzed through Lincoln Square today
And stopped dead in my tracks
And saw the snowfall
My accidental dark hair
And how I picked out presents
For your nieces
Only to be the girl forgotten.

I packed up my bags
Multiple times a week
And came to you
Came to be with you
In my imaginary apron
And pearls
Did you see how hard I tried?

I changed week to week
Couldn't you see?

My youth, as the sun would hit me through your window
And you scolded me
For being scared
When the storm hit
And left me in bed
Right by the window.

You always had something to say
Something to criticize
Like me and my sunflower eyes
Were never enough
To keep you solid,
Standing
Wherever my unicorn horn took me.

And I know I could go back
I could go back and try again
But what would be the point?

I sat at the dinner table
The youngest in the room
As you held my hand in my new shirt
But you didn't make love to me
Nearly often enough.

Couldn't you see
Towards the end
How you would wake up
Rush us out of bed
Rush us out to work
Rush me out of your house
Out of your heart
Out of your bathroom
Out of your life.

And so I went
I went and confronted that darkness
And I stopped punching those green monsters
Because those monsters are me.