of pre-recordings asking me
to STOP WHAT I'M DOING to hear
some uber-important message
like I owe some cookie-cut IVR fuckbot
my undivided attention, like whoooaa
HOLD. UP. let me sit-the-****-down
with a hot spot o' tea, bobber nodding
do tell, do tell... mmm, you don't say?!

you've got to be ******* me
how the **** these went through
an actual marketing department
not manned by evil narcissist toolfucks

oh, wait...