I found it hard to believe that it is pointless to love anyone but yourself. It makes no sense anymore. You don’t tie an anchor to your feet whilst swimming correct? You would drown... which pretty much sums up the journey of a relationship. Sailing on misty oceans, at any given time, a gigantic shark might lunge from beneath the dark surface and tear your boat to shreds. But this is not just any shark.. this thing likes to toy with food.
You see it does not tear you apart in seconds. It tears down anything you liked and loved only to smash itself into your chest and bite a hole where once your heart was. Sound like one ******* of a shark right? He has many names: envy, vanity, selfishness, fornication,..... we all know that hidden aquatic predator. We have all met it. And we will meet it again. For despite all our bumpy rides in negotiating with one another, because a relationship is a negotiation where one constantly uses veto against the other until one or both sides finally give up, we just pick ourselves up and move on again. Because it is forbidden to feel bad, it is forbidden to feel sad in this feel-good society where everyone gets a pat on the back and brushes it off. Yet sorrow is one of the purest feelings you can ever feel. It is a cathartic marriage of self consciousness and fear, making you feel vulnerable. The only moments when you really desire to be loved.. Just like the first days of a new relationship. That fear that has burned you for so long is finally cooled in soothing waves of joy and relief.. your fear subsides and makes room for this fantastic feeling that the world is your doormat.. but a gift once given will always be taken back..
Love seems pointless to me at this point... it has devolved into an accessory, like a bracelet or necklace if you will. And we are the vain creature that has more bracelets than genuine compassion. When it grows tired of the bracelet it simply tosses it away or hangs it in the rack to be forgotten and is replaced with something else. Nothing is ever good enough.
That is why mankind can only love itself.. you can never argue with yourself, you always please yourself, you always do what you really like to do... why bother ruining it with someone else? Nobody really cares for your hand me down feelings. Everything you have to give is used up by yourself first.. your grief, your joy, your laughter.... your anger.....
Nobody wants second hand gifts for his or her birthday.. we deserve only the best of the best for are we not the best? We all want that white horse *******... We want to believe that out there someone wanders this planet who can fill in for us.. but there is no such thing.. A relationship is making due with a person for who or what they are..

It used to be easier.. at some point in time a relationship was critical for survival because your vanity and prolonged suffering, also called existence, depended on the skills of the one you lived with, the perverse pleasures are just a nice bonus to make you feel good. A relationship was a vital tool for your survival which is why it was more robust... it was still just bargaining but the people made due with each other despite their quirks and flaws..

These days... everyone expects perfection chipped out of pure gold. Because no matter how far you would degrade yourself to please the other.. you are still a bracelet... ready to be tossed away at the most random of times. A lone sailor slowly drifting above a dark, unexplored abyss... who knows when some huge sea monster will just pounce you and your little hovel into the cold darkness below?

To my sadness love seems overrated.... love is mistaken for self worship... we feel like a god.. we can scorn our followers when we feel like it because what was offered were just second hand baubles.

I find love for another human to have lost the value it once had... a creature these days is only capable of loving itself.

And when it comes to love.. I have yet to find my equal...

I will remain unchallenged........
And it starts to tear at every fiber of my being....


Keep giving for sole purpose of being given......
Just no second hand feelings thank you very much.