At 3 am
I have to wonder
Whether these are butterflies or bats in my stomach,
Keeping me awake,
The night is silent but my mind is racing.
All I wanted was to be
alone.

At 3 am
I have to wonder
Whether these thoughts that chew away at my brain,
Keeping me awake,
Are self destructive or self protective.
All I wanted was to be
alone.

At 3 am
I have to wonder
Whether these violent emotions, wildly swinging,
Keeping me awake,
Are out of my control or within my means.
All I wanted was to be
alone.


...

At 4 am
I have to wonder
Whether the thought of me
Kept you awake
And how I would give anything to be beside you
And not
alone.