it didn't compute so my brain pushed it away away away
because how could you find it so easy to replace me and ricochet between four arms that were not me
that was my logic: if you loved me, if it meant - anything ever -
you wouldn't have made those decisions like a haphazard hellbat rattling off the tracks
so it was quite obvious I was just hallucinating just pasting my aching heart onto some random guy who was oddly not dancing
the truth is deep and I'm trying to not have you OD but I think it's time to increase your dosage and we're getting closer closer still to a mouthful
and one demispoon is I noticed you the instant you hit my periphery maybe 15 feet away
I guess by noticed I mean my stomach did a nosedive down through my intestines resounding repetition internal to the tune of this isn't happening
as you made your way in front of me
I was petrified losing my mind it made no sense
but that feeeeling had your name beating down my lips
and I even pondered tapping you on the shoulder to ask something as asinine as do I know you?
so, here comes another serum dose
it wasn't until I was contemplating the potentials of reactions by you or not-you
that I remembered I wasn't alone - I was, how you say... with someone?
and maybe you can relate a bit to how I could possibly find myself in that situation so quick
dear Watson, I can certainly now understand how easy it in fact is to fall into the arms of someone you have history and unfinished karmic business with
when you're so alone and lonely feeling lost and hungry for connection you bypass all the utterly obvious ill-fitting cardboard edges that aren't even the same image and just focus on the one or two that click right in, so comforting it is to walk down the same old street even though you already know how and where it ends
it was certainly a welcome distraction from picking glass splinters out of crippled crimson fingers
and now I understand how you did what you did and that is why I came back again...
because it took me that long to let go of feeling unloved