And typed them on a page no filter just complete sunken rage no rhyme scheme anymore just lines one after another I'm scared I'll never satisfy a woman not only sexually but intellectually professionally, physically I'm afraid I let the right person go and now they won't come back I'm scared that we only get one shot at life and I'm blowing it by typing on a computer in my bed I'm scared Ill die old a corpse of unfulfilled potential instead of a young body filled with it I'm scared I'm the only that thinks about these things and the only one I can talk about these things with is my therapist who doesn't want to hear about them anyway so I tell her that I am happy I am scared because I don't always feel this way some days weeks months go by where I don't think about writing and I swear in that time I'm happier so what is it about depression that bring my pen to the page I'm scared that I use poetic metaphors to cloak actual feelings I'm scared that someone whose opinion I value will read this and think less of me I'm scared that one day down the road I'll come back to this for the first time but I'll close the tab before it opens and go scroll through twitter or facebook or instagram because sometimes it's easier to just not feel for a little bit I'm scared that I'm waiting for a moment that will never come I'm scared to go to the gym so I've forced myself to be content with my body which is fine but it isn't as good as it could be and that's all on me I'm scared that I'm my greatest enemy and also my greatest friend and maybe both want me to fail because sometimes it feels good to let yourself rest on your own shoulder