cigarette stained sheets
and you see the burns on my bed
i bet to you
you find me weak
bleak
boring
and believe me i am all
of those things
i cannot deal
cannot feel
and when i do
it is but a ruse to you
and it's been a while
since i looked up to you
been a while since i cared about you
and all of this ****
it why you look down on me
you look at me like
grass stained knees
you would rather bleach away
than live with
and i ask you to bleach me away
because i have bleached you away
you are but a memory
i look at in the eyes every morning
but a song that skips
on every time it plays
and i cannot write
i cannot do anything
i am too stuck in a flood
to find dry paper
to sketch a lifeless life onto
i am too drunk on beer i stole from you
and i find it only fair
because i cannot finish this poem
this poem is a lost cause
much like you
i don't have anything to say
i don't have anything to say
other than i hate you
i hate that i still love you
i hate that no matter how hard i try
i cannot hate monsters
i cannot hate you
i cannot hate anyone
i cannot hate anything
because no matter how hard i try
i am but a dying artist
and i find love in everything
and i wish i didn't
i don't know how i do
after being raised by you
a hateful man
who does not know any love other
than a love for an addiction
and maybe that's why i cannot hate
i am addicted to love
i am sorry dad