Usually it feels like being under murky water. Very dark, a complete blur, unable to talk or you'll consume the ***** liquid. The inability to reach out because they can't see your form beneath the waves. You can't hear past the waters. no matter how hard you strain. Getting your legs tangled in the weeds below, pulling you in, pulling you in, pulling you in. With not much hope to let you breathe fresher air again.

But I hung on to that tiny thread of hope and I got better.

However, here I am. In a different environment yet I'm still struggling. This time it's like being in a cool, sandy desert. No sunshine, just stormy grey clouds. People would pop in now and then, asking me how I am. I would smile and tell them I'm fine through a grimace because I'm clutching my chest, it's like I'm breathing through corrupted lungs. Why is it so hard to breathe? Why is it so dark and gloomy? Why do I feel so terrible on the inside? Is this getting better??

-m.b