I will never understand
how the name of a girl
that once sounded like melted gold and blue skies
sounds now to me like the beating of broken wings
or how a girl who I once loved with all my heart
changed my life within hours
or how her eyes
never blinked
as what she needed to say hung in the air
like a thick fog
that neither of us could see through without the other
but by the time we realized that,
the fog had cleared.
and she figured we were better off alone after all.
So I will never understand,
why the name (Blank)
hurts to say
like sandpaper
against my skin.
I will never understand how someone who was once your best friend
can be taken from you
by someone else,
with meaner intentions.
How we used to walk side by side,
but now we walk three by three,
or four by four,
and it is never the same.
but she thinks it is,
and so I will leave them alone and let them be the same.
So I will never understand,
why the name (Blank)
hurts my heart the way it does
like glass
piercing through paper.
I will never understand how someone who never loved me
could feign attraction for three months.
and when it came time for her to end things,
I think we were both relieved
because in the end,
she wasn't the only one pretending to be in love.
but it still hurt
like any heartbreak,
though this was more
platonic,
it was just as real.
So I will never understand,
why the name (Blank)
is laced in nostalgia
and a feeling
of unforgettable immortality
coupled with hopelessness.
and I will never understand
how three sets
of five letters
could be the deciding factor
in my breaking
or my mending.