Here is what you have to understand
Every day
Every other day now
Because calling everyday is too painful
My mother croaks into the phone
About what she would do
To have my father back
She reveals details
On her most recent tactics
To try and complete that task
My hair grows longer
I long to chop it off
I contemplate the next bit of skin
I'll ink
Rearrange my room
My insides
Every bit
To try and make it all feel new again.

The weather outside likes to howl
I've never been one for it
I long for the sun
The promises of a better day.

You email me to essentially wish me well
I think
But never quite clear about what it is
You still seek
I need my best friend now more than ever
And she is states and states away
And it reminds me
Of when I first moved here
Putting away glasses
Sniffing in
I know this feeling I thought
I know it so well
I'll get through this

I remember sobbing between bites of egg
Feeling like an entire party of people
Turned against me
Because they did
And tonight as they celebrate their last night
I wave goodbye to yet another love life.

I don't know why
I'm not sure
But I try to create space
For happiness
For positive change
My girlfriends, we all ache
At the same time it seems
And I don't feel envy over what I don't have
I know this path is all my own
I know this path is all my own

But you weren't there
You set me
My mother opened the door for my father
And though I am angry at him too
I know how he must feel.

You wished me to be safe
You stayed in your bed
Didn't even watch me go
You set me free
Only to see
I was not coming back.