As I walked myself back to my car
I watched his back retreat into his house.
The thought that continually raced through my mind was
"I blew it."
And contrary to the smile on my face,
it wasn't in the fun way.
The truth was that I'd blown it because I hadn't blown it.
While I was flirting over cheese and bread,
he was just waiting for me to give him head.
As we split a bottle of Brandy,
it was all in the hopes of getting a quick handy.
As I was trying to get him to open up,
he was trying to get me to open up.

I knew later, I'd lay in bed.
My shaky breaths coming in deep,
wondering if it was all of them
or really
just me?
But for now, I was content
with the fact that I'd be alone this summer
just because I wouldn't give a hummer.