***** before the age of seven I lost my faith that day told that I couldnt get in to heaven because I had *** before marriage I was a child thinking I had a miscarriage because the toilet and my ******* were blood red from where my ***** bled and I shed my virginity and a tear and everytime I walked in that bathroom I had fear when I was naked I felt afraid when I laid in my bed at night I would close the door tight I didnt want a sliver of light coming in because anybody could creep in on a whim That day changed me forever I will never forget it and I will always regret it when he asked do you want to play a game I said yes and expressed excitement and delightment but that moment should have been his indictment there should have been punishment and violence but instead there was shushing and silence in my head the blood is rushing inside of me as I share this memory I see the face of my enemy dressed as a clown on halloween and I want to scream. but this isnt something to shout about but im angry about it everyday and im still hurting in every way because Im not certain the pain goes away and inside I die knowing that im not right