I saw Peter Cottontail.
I swear I did. It was he!
He was in a bar last night,
And he WASN'T drinking tea!

Sitting next to him, I said,
"Hey, ol' Pete, ol' buddy, ol' guy---
You've got time to take a break?
How so? Please, tell me why."

"Cut me some slack," the poor guy said.
"Humans have a nasty habit
Of placing incredible expectations
On this weary, forlorn rabbit.

"Hiding billions of eggs, come on!
I'm not omnipotent, as you must know.
This task has been ****** upon me
Since a long time ago.

"What's more, I find it rather disgusting
And NOT in any manner funny
When I see a kid chomping
On a chocolate Easter bunny.

"Furthermore, to pass on baby
Rabbits as an Easter present
Is NOT from MY point of view
A practice I'd call very pleasant.

"And as to candy resembling chicks,
To me it seems so surreptitious
When you're saying, 'Oh, how cute!'
But really thinking, 'How delicious!'

"I think it's time to pass the baton
To  another generous benefactor.
I don't care who it is;
Find a willing, starving actor.

"I suggest an Easter squirrel,
An Easter bear, or Easter goose.
With so much on my plate there's no
Time to even reproduce."

I left poor Peter there at the bar
As he switched to drinking brandy.
I hope that he is able at least
To pass out all of his eggs and candy.

-by Bob B