I sometimes
No I always
Wonder if people
Would care about me more
If I was just another dead girl
It's least likely for nobody cares anyway
So they could say go **** yourself and not care if you do

I sometimes
No I always
Wonder if people
Would see me for who I was
No just another nobody or a wannabe
They wouldn't see me for the intelligent and pretty and kind girl I am
It's basically they are ignoring the fact you are actually human as well.

I sometimes
No I always
Wonder if people
Would actually miss me
Out of the love and pain of their heart
Not just cause I helped them with homework or a problem

I however
Never seem
To realize
That no one would care
Except my parents and my five friends

I fail
To realize
That nobody except my family and five friends
Will see me for the me I truly was

I fail
To realize
That nobody but my family and five friends
Will truthfully miss me

I fail to realize
Because I shield reality
So it don't break me
If I see reality I shed tears constantly
If I see reality I see how terrible this world is
And all I can wonder is
If I died
Who would care
If I died
Who would see me for who I actually am
If I died
Who would miss me
If I died
Why was I given suicidal thoughts to begin with
Why was I bullied so much
Why was I hurt so much
Why did everyone break me
Why did I have to cry at everything
Why couldn't I have been tougher
Why couldn't I have fought longer
Why didn't I keep the ones that loved me close
Why did I push my loved ones away
Why did I make so many mistakes
Why did I turn away from God so much
Why did I doubt God
Why did I lose my best friends
Why did I gain friends worth more that I deserve
Why am I treated so nicely when I am a bad person
Why
Why
Why do I wish I were dead?
I have life so good
So why do I want to end it so badly
No matter how much I oust the thoughts away
Suicide
Anxiety
Depression
Low self esteem
No confidence

They come back stronger than I can handle anymore
So I want to just end it all
The headaches
The heartaches
They all come back

When asked if I am okay
All I can reply is
I'm fine
It's all I can do

But the only question
I want people to ask is

Why?