I had sworn that I would never
let this pop up again in my life.
But this tumultuous mind wouldn't
budge. I was so oblivious to the chaos
you had created. I hadn't realized it until people started pointing out the changes in my behavior. How could I let this happen to me?
It was probably all my fault. I probably spent too much time re-reading our old conversations and maybe lingered on to your musky, heady cologne for too long.
I probably made a big deal out of your little "miss yous" and meetups. Maybe the drunk texts meant nothing. Maybe the chocolates you got me was a friendly gesture. Maybe the fantasies I created with you stayed for too long, just in my head. I construed them to be signs. But somewhere deep down my heart knew that I would have to face the harsh reality.
I don't blame you for blaming everything on me. It was my sheer stupidity to let you turn my world upside down. All my insides ache and my lungs have given out but you still expect me to give you another chance? Not this time. We are done. Infact I was done a long time ago. I know I have been causing more harm to myself than you've. You had your chance but you let go. It is my chance to turn things right. If you can't then I have to. I need to love me too.