i plunge into the water again,
it's cold against my skin
thrashing against my throat
alone
quiet
something all too familiar
something i deny missing

your nails dragged themselves down my back
now i reminisce of serrated metal against my skin
that's how it feels
that's how you felt
back when old habits died hard
and i hated my name

you said you loved me
and i believed it
you were making changes
for the good
for the better

you left so many things
i just didn't think i'd be one of them