i am a girl
and i am afraid...

to walk down a city street.
my friend and I huddled together
not just because of wind
and she whispers to me,
"i forgot the first rule. don't make eye contact."
that's what my mother had taught me too
and we walked a little faster past the stranger
nervous that the split second of acknowledging merely that he exists
in his mind, was permission

i am a girl
and i am afraid...

to go to work.
i'm always there later than everyone else
sitting at the front door,
workers come in and out
i don't know one by name
but i remember when i interviewed
"dress professionally, because you're young and you're pretty
and you'll work with a lot of men"
i know how to redirect unwanted attention
but i didn't realize i'd be here alone...
so i buy myself a taser
and listen to my coworker say "there's cameras"
anytime i voice my concern
and i pray
that i am not the one in five

i am a girl
and i am afraid...

that i’ll never be good enough.
on our way to the airport my mom asked about work
and after a brief explanation of the weight loss competition that had started
and my 20-pound goal
she made a mom face and said
“but honey don’t you think you could aim higher than that?”
“what?’ i ask because i literally have no idea what she’s saying
“well i bet you could shoot to loose 30 to 40-pounds if you want!”
“do you really think i’m that fat…?”
“well honey i’ve just been a little concerned since high school.”
i’ve never felt more crushed
to be a size 6

i am a girl
and i am afraid…

that things wont change
and that my daughters will live on
the same
**** schedule
i have always lived on