I don't think there has been one moment where I don't miss him. I'm constantly wondering why he won't come back even though I should be wondering why I'm still here. And I often wonder if there is anything I could have done to make him stay.  

I remember this exact day last year and god, what I wouldn't do to go back..... We were getting ready to take our first little trip together and oh, was it memorable. We have always been messy and gone with the flow, but I still don't think this is how things are supposed to be. He would hold my hand everywhere we went and all I could think about was how proud I was to be loved by him. How proud I was of him being proud to call me his. He would love me on my worst days. My ugliest days. The days I couldn't bare to love myself. And I would love him the same. And still, I love him the same.

We used to argue on who loved who more, but this was an argument I didn't want to win. I did anyways. I loved him so much more that I let him crush me and begged him time and time again to fix me. I still am begging him to. I have always said it will always be him and my entire heart wishes this wasn't true. And I hate that he still isn't here but what I hate even more is that I still wish for him to come back. I am longing to feel safe, in his arms, again. I wonder if that day will ever come