Let me tell you about the days I prayed to God, begging for Him to show Himself.  I plead and I plead.... "God, if you are real, make this pain go away.  Allow me to feel whole again."  Every time you leave, He's the first person I call and I feel so selfish because that's the only time I ever call.  I only need Him when you realize you don't need me and I don't like the person I am because of that.  Or how I beg my mom to drop everything just so I can lay in her bed and get ****** with her every time she asks if I'm okay. My heart is all over the floor and anytime anyone other than you tries to pick up the pieces I swear those pieces break even more.  I hate that I've become so hostile with everyone that's not you, even though everyone but you is trying to put me back together.

I've even broken all the clocks because waiting around for you is driving me up the ******* wall.  And time is the last thing I need to be angry with. I could spend every second of everyday, reliving every moment we shared together and I would still be crying out to God, asking Him to show Himself and keep these moments going.  
My love, I could never tire of you.... And I'm starting to believe that's a curse

Every moment, I wonder, what will be the last thing I ever write to you? What will be the last words of mine you choose to read?  When will I first wake up not clenching my chest and reaching for my pill bottle? What morning will you not be my first thought? What night will you not be my last thought? I can't even imagine the day ever comes for any of these things, but I do know one day you won't care to read my ****** poetry.  

I know one day, you will be busy and I won't cross your mind.  Or maybe you'll have another lover in time and she will make you believe in love all over again, so you will stop checking up on me.  She will despise me for being the first into your heart.  For being embedded onto your heart forever.  And I will despise her for having your heart when it is all I crave.