i’m sorry in advance
if this sounds strange
but i was thinking earlier
(as you know, that’s a dangerous
thing for me
in any case
so maybe you won’t
be so surprised
after all).

i was thinking earlier
(not in poems, in prose)
in the shower, i think?
i guess i don’t know
it was the sort of thinking
that just sort of flows
in any direction it wants to go
without judgement,
just slipping right under the nose
of your active consciousness,
not letting you slow it down
with the things you think you know
(all your grand illusions
of highs and of lows,
or rights and of wrongs
of “yes”s and “no”s,
all your self-set limits
on how thinking should go)
no, this sort of thinking
doesn’t ever say no,
it’s the kind that just goes
and goes
and goes
without asking
for your opinion
on whether it’s right.

it was that sort of thinking
(in the shower i think)
the kind that would come
when you were just on the brink of a dream
in the back of your car as a kid,
when the trees flew by
and you could feel your lids
grow progressively heavier with every mile
and your mom would look back in the mirror and smile
(not all of the time but just once in a while)
as the sky got darker
and the moon got higher
and you let the hum
of the engine
lull you to sleep.

it was that sort of thinking
my mind out and wandering
that led to a very particular pondering
that made me all shaky
and made me cry
for no reason (i guess
i was just surprised)
it wasn’t sad
it was just kind of wise
and happy
(i think
that was really
what took me aback)