what does it feel like when you have a panic attack?*

it feels like i'm running
it feels like i'm running
downhill
and i just can't
stop
myself
and i feel my knees
lock up
and i feel my legs
go weak
but i just can't stop
i'm like a car
that has been put in neutral
no
i'm like a car
whose brakes have been cut
because i have no
choice
to stop
and
and
and i start apologizing
i'm sorry
i say
i'm sorry
but it's not working
i'm not stopping
and so i start getting angry
don't ******* go to sleep
don't ******* leave me
can't you see that i need you?
why would you ******* leave me
when i need you?
why don't you love me?
why don't you ******* love me?
and with every word
my pace gets faster
i pick up speed
and the hill gets taller
and steeper
until it is a
ninety degree angle
and i'm falling
i'm falling to my destruction
why don't you ******* love me?
i keep repeating
why don't you ******* love me?
until i hit the ground
with a boom
so big that it could
destroy
an entire city
and i breathe
and i look around at the destruction
and i keep breathing
why am i like this?
i ask myself
what's wrong with me?