We weren't always the way we are now

When I was little, sitting at the top of the red wire jungle gym
He was nothing more than one of my imaginary friends
He hid within their ranks, watching me dance with faeries
Under golden sunbeams, and sometimes he would take me
Out to go fight dragons, or rescue me from the top of a tower
But he would restrain himself and stay silent
When I put him to rest with all my other toys

I grew up some, and I began to see him more often
He would come and go as he pleased
No longer at my summons or biddings
And I would daydream
Playing out stories of ancient gods and crumbling cities
Trailed by the band of heroes that he and I would lead

I didn't understand who he was
He played with my fancies when he was bored
And then he left, the way he does with all of us
But he always leaves a lingering promise that one day
We will be with him permanently

He is not like us
He does not understand our anger, our sadness
He does what he does, he came to take one
I loved

And I saw him then for what he was

He has curly dark brown hair that falls into his face
He's averagely tall, but that's about the only thing average about him
He holds himself with such confidence and grace
That to look upon him you know he is no mere mortal

And his eyes
Are a cunning hazel green,
A deep brown, like a vortex, almost black
An ice grey, cutting you down to the bone
Truth be told, I can't say what they are actually
Because to look in his eyes is to be swept away
by the mind-numbing, soul-chilling stillness
And it is the one thing no living person is ever supposed to do
The first and last time you are supposed to look in his eyes
Is the day he claims you for the rest of forever

It shouldn't have been allowed for me to see him
Or if it was, I was supposed to put my hands in my pockets
Pull the hat further down my ears and walk faster from the wind
There's a reason why adults leave their dreaming to a world without waking

But he was taking someone I loved

I tried to make a trade with him, I tried to outsmart him, I tried to plead
But you can't make deals with gods
I have mere seconds to offer, he already owns all of eternity
I confused him with my passion and frenzy, he was intrigued

He took the one I loved and he stayed inside my head

He is the boy who restricts my freedom
And makes me start at shadows
The boy who chokes me
and makes me fall to my knees, dizzy
The boy who makes me see what should never be seen
the world beneath a thin veil we call reality

He owns my soul and my body
and likes to remind me just to see how I react
Egotistical trickster that he is
And yet there is something tragic about him
For he will never know what it is to love or to breathe

That is the only spell I hold over him
The reason why he keeps giving me release
In my arms and through my eyes, he tastes Life as he never should have been able to

For my part, I have done something foolish
Dangerous even
I've broken every rule imaginable

I've fallen in love with a god

I hold Death ever closer to my soul