My hair is brown
2. I've gained weight
3. I'm afraid
4. **** Donald Trump
5. I've lost the patience to read or really observe deeply whats happening in the world
6. I feel very small and lost
7. My connections to others I find myself constantly scrutinizing
8. I'm sometimes on a very different page than others, especially a lot recently
9. I feel like my projects and work don't matter
10. I feel deep exciting moments of pleasure that then immediately disappear
11. I have withdrawn in a lot of ways from other people and often keep to myself
12. Primarily to conserve energy
13. I'm incredibly sensitive and worry that in all of this I have somehow grown to be a cocky machine
14. I fear and worry that I do not bring my boyfriend lasting joy
15. I see so deeply into things and into the other side of moments and circumstances that it is often torture
16. I'm terrible with numbers and math
17. I'm still not fully over my ex-boyfriend or the **** of my accumulated past
18. It has been both empowering and extremely painful to have started totally anew, so many times
19. I often feel neglected and forgotten
20. I need to drink more water
21. My throat hurts right now
22. Its hard to eat healthily on set
23. I wish I had gone to film school
24. I sometimes feel sad that I don't act or model often and it makes me feel like a failure
25. That thought exhausts me
26. I would be more excited about said acting and modeling projects  if I felt they really conveyed what I'm interested in
27. I am scared when I go to sleep in my apartment
28. I'm not totally comfortable in my apartment yet
29. Everything feels fleeting
30. I worry and examine everything I do
31. I feel as though I have caged myself
32. I don't feel like myself when I am not blonde
33. I'm nothing we thought I would be
34. THIS is the coldest winter I've ever known
35. I need more vitamin d
36. I'm rambling
37. I hate waking up early
38. I wish I liked me more
39. I worry theres no real room for me here
40. Sometimes I imagine dying in very graphic ways.