if you fail once,
stop trying altogether;
distance yourself from those who care
and keep
running
away.

never get close
or let anyone in
that way you'll never feel pain again-
for a soul can only break so much before it shatters.

fill yourself up with the sins of the world
they'll give you an illusion of happiness,
enough to keep going into your next dismal day.

****
yourself
slowly;
let each breath feel like a knife to your heart -
know only pain in a world full of suffering.

let the darkness overwhelm
until it begins to feel like home
and make your bed
in a pit of despair.

cry yourself to sleep,
and smile during the day -
suffer,
but let no one know.