money is about priorities,
and this may not be apparent
until you barely have enough
to get by.

to many children,
it is like magic.
it appears in other people's hands
and gets you
things you WANT.

not until you are a teenager
do you realize that there
are some things you WANT
not just for fun,
but because these THINGS
shape your life, are essential
to your way of life, and are
felt as NEEDS.
a car.
lipstick.
phone.

then money becomes
abstract, once again.
credit card.
student loan.
car loan.
it's what people do.
no one sits you down
and helps you figure out
how much those student loan
payments are gonna be in 10 years
with such and such an assumed salary.
with so and so bills.
you are 18.
you don't have a clue.

the illusion will
eventually come crashing down.
the abstract
becomes concrete,
and the math doesn't
add up.

that's if things go well.

what happens if things
don't go as planned,
as they so often do not?

you may just plummet
into an unfathomable hole.
(it's really not as hard
as you might think.)

and in this state,
you realize money is
about priorities.

if you have no credit cards,
and no savings,
you only have exactly what you earn.
and what you earn may not reflect
your years of experience, work,
and education.

then what?
you choose.
you prioritize.
and i don't mean, oh
should i go to the bahamas
or iceland this summer?

i mean,
shelter.
where can i live?
can i afford to live anywhere
on my own?

transportation.
if i don't have a car
i can't get to work.
if i can't work,
i can't live.

food.
how can i make
this little bit last 2 weeks?

pay the electric or the gas?
because i can't pay both.

cable? internet?
pick one.

new clothes?!
ha! doesn't make the cut.

doctors?medicine?
good ******* luck
with that one.

someone asks you to go out,
for a birthday, just for fun.
you break into a cold sweat
trying to figure out if there is
any possible way to act like a normal
human being and go out.
there might not be, and you will have to say no.

the government would like
their loan money.
it's simply not possible.

it's christmas.
what are you gonna do,
not pay rent for a month
in order to get presents?

and you hear people
give you ridiculous advice
for a situation they
have never experienced.

just don't have a coffee.
or color your hair.

just get another job.

because they don't see
that what they are suggesting
is that you take away
the smallest, maybe only
pleasures in your life.

or that you are literally
one costly repair away
from being homeless.
carless.
jobless.

it spirals quickly.
and if your masters degree
can't get you out of poverty,
but has actually made it worse,
what is the answer?

sometimes it doesn't matter
even if you do
*all the right things.