I try to be light.

I attempt, in vain, to be
carefree and frivolous
when it comes to
matters of my heart.

I am unable, at crucial times
to keep the lead
out of my words
and my actions,
making them seem
unnecessarily weighted .

I know my behavior sometimes
frustrates you, my love.

I know that in trying to love you,
in trying to help you understand the
deeply analytical,fiercely passionate,
and obsessive mind and heart of mine,
I succeed only in creating a chasm
of misunderstanding between us.

I overwhelm you
with my emotional intensity.

Then, after I have pushed you away,
when all I wanted was to have you closer,
I cry out in selfish anguish,
"Why have you done this to me?"

I manifest my worst fears.

But with each silent, unspoken
step you take in retreat,
with each measure of distance
you recede from my shore,
know that I will love no other
so truly, so deeply.

I make no apologies for loving you.

I am but a man, scarred and wounded
from others before you.
I bear scars from you,as well,
as you do from me, and from others.

But I am alive now. We are alive, now.
These others have not extinguished
the light of hope burning so radiantly
in my chest,
and the wounds
we have given each other
are but scratches,
to be laughed at together
on some future fall afternoon,
as we sit in our warm bundles,
sipping coffee,
eating see-through waffles,
and discussing our day.

I am alive now and
I am learning how to give you my
love in a manner
that is easy for you
to accept and reciprocate.

I am learning how to
accept your love, so precious,
offered to few.

We are alive,now.
Alive and learning
and healing and loving,
with one another.