You are the funniest person I have ever met. Perhaps that's why when you're gone everything around me feels colder and more unbearable than it has before.
You have made me happier than I have ever known. So I'm not sure why recently I've been waking up with a lump in my throat and a heaviness in my limbs that causes me to crawl, bent over, broken.
I am so unbelievably scared. Scared that you're going to turn round and tell me this was a mistake. Scared that you're going to realise that I'm not who you thought you wanted.
I don't know what else you could do to make me feel any safer. But I feel so vulnerable, so incredibly close to the edge of the cliff side that I can hardly catch my breath and I can feel the hands on my back ready to push.
Is it too much to want for you to message me first? Is it too much to want to feel your hand on my back? Is it too much to hope you'll reach for me on a morning? Am I stupid for being terrified that you lie awake at night wishing I was her? I wait for the day that you *** and say her name instead of mine.
I thought we were sat on the same step, even. But now I feel myself looking up to you, reaching out and you don't even look down.
I just found this saved in my drafts from the last week in November my boyfriend broke up with me less than a week later this is making me feel all sorts of things I'm not even sure what they are or what it means
Also I haven't changed it anyway since I found it in my drafts because I quite like how messy it is it shows how I was actually feeling I think I dunno