Take adderall and coffee until i am happy enough to forget
shakey hands
velvet crewnecks
i want to feel hollow.
addrerall, coffee broken dreams
i want to lay down and dissolve into everything,
taking more until i like me
i want everyone to like me.
i see you in the forgotten places,
and my hands shake more-
i miss you and i want to forget,
but now I’m just focused
i wonder how it’d be if you were here,
i want to know if my hands would shake less.
i want to run around the room until i find you,
your hands don’t shake and yr eyes are red
i like pills, they make you feel dead
you tell me to take xanax but my dealer says they’re overrated-
we’re getting
faded faded faded
your face blurs in with the motions.
but i still see you there.
you’re beautiful
even in between the ugly spaces
i reach out to touch you,
limbs shaking and i tell you i love you
eyes wide- drink more coffee, i don’t feel you anywhere
i still see you
i still see you.
but i can’t feel-
can’t feel-
can’t feel.
you make me number than i have ever felt.
more beautiful more poetic more-
and i miss you
and you’re suddenly fading in with everyone else and i can’t even see you anymore
but your voice is a whisper in my ear
i love you-
i ******* love you.
and your voice will forever haunt me.
you are the most beautiful girl in the world
and i am fleeting
i don’t want to touch anybody else
or shake for anybody else
or write poems about anybody else
faded into everything and blend in with the spaces…
i look for you everywhere.
and pills can’t fix it anymore.
i love you
i miss you
i shake for you.
i am toxic
i am cold
but when i think of you…
it fades.
i wonder if you see me when you trip,
am i dripping into your hands?
i am faded away from you too i think
all you see are the ugly parts of me
you’re too beautiful for me or anybody and i think you know it
too beautiful for me to even see or fathom anymore-
i still write love poems for you.
leave them in random spaces where i think i see a part of you
they tore down the old table i used to write you love poems on.
i love you
i love you
I’m sorry-
I’m sorry.