sometimes i forget that i exist
i wake up without knowing what time it is
but it's fine because i've forgotten that pain is a thing
that last night i could've cried
because i missed being able to say out loud how i felt for you
but also because i was having the millionth existential crisis of the week.

sometimes i just
i forget that i exist
it's like when you're sleeping but not really dreaming
but you're conscious of the nothingness that has become for just a second,
everything.

and for some reason
i've never talked to a person that understands what that nothing is,

but

sometimes,
i forget that they don't exist where i do
because if i don't exist then there's nothing and that means that
they don't exist

but me,
i forget that i exist.
how can i forget that i am alive?
it's like i can feel my body,
but i can feel the space between my fingers
no matter how tight i hold my hands together.

sometimes
i worry
because i forget that i am here
i forget that i am a living being
i forget that i am skin and bones
and memories
and connections with other people
and i am pain and sorrow and tears and light.

sometimes
i want to forget that i am here
i want to forget that i exist.
sometimes it's easier to imagine
not existing.

but sometimes,
when i forget that i exist-

i've never wanted to exist
but sometimes,

i realize i do.
i am here.
and if i am here
then so are you.